No resolutions to speak of aloud, but lots of other things to say

It is weird kind of, not blogging for so long despite having so much going on and so many things on my mind. Hello world it’s me again. The last time I was on here was September of 2012. Now as I type this MY new year is coming. It is not January it is March, my favorite month, not just due to my birthday but because I LOVE springtime and outdoors free of snow. Do not get me wrong I enjoy snow as well just not nearly as much as all things coming back to life and the incredible optimism that comes with it. Speaking of optimism let’s chat shall we, there is much to speak of.

BACK TO WORK

Anyone that knows of Christina and I know that we have been on the ropes as far as work goes since I lost my job at GameStop in 2008. Not one job has stayed solid with the potential for more or even held my interest. I was thinking to myself at times; “WHY?!”, but recently I have tried to approach it from a different view.

September was my last post and we were facing another eviction and other bad stuff. I started working for the retail company Dollar General a few weeks after the last post. I had given up on the chance to become a machinist after multiple interviews and learning even after my classes over the summer that I knew NOTHING of the trade, I figured getting to work was more important than chasing anything anymore. At 33 years old with a wife and 3 little ones we needed to gain SOME financial stability. DG was everything I expected and less. I had to interview with these guys like 4 times despite being MORE than qualified to run one of their stores with my eyes closed, I was offered an assistant manager position. At this point I had resigned myself to simply work anywhere like I was working for GOD and let him lead me and watch things unfold. I was not discouraged just disappointed with the place. Still it did not deter me. While working there I had multiple encounters with people offering either advice, leads or job positions with various companies. I stayed the course and no I did not hate the job, because I LOVE helping people and I have to admit the store was close to the local community as well as having a rapport with regulars that developed almost instantly.

All was going OK, the plan was to prepare me to take over a store in six months and I was legitimately working towards the goal despite my personal underwhelmed feeling about the company. It felt like the retail company that did not care about making things easier for its employees or structuring things in a way that was most conducive for moral or productivity. In addition to these the pay was deplorable for whats expected of the managers and staff. I knew full well what I was getting into with the potential of taking over a store, still I was preparing to stay the course. Then it happened…

2 weeks into my DG experience I received a call from a company named Tranor. A company based out of Detroit that is a tool and die shop. A company I had interviewed for after my classes in June and all but had the job. I was trying to have my cake and eat it too by being closer to home and NOT having to go work to far from home due to a bad experience with Ford (A.C.H). This was a BAD decision on my behalf and I was not going to repeat it. At the time I was looking at a few other positions and still had interviews to await the results of.  Again a BAD call on my part. Jerry the machine shop leader at Tranor had called me back and asked if I wanted to interview again. I did. The 1st interview I wore a shirt and tie for this one I was all business and no polish. Black pants and a flannel top over a polo with my boots. I walked in and asked for my paperwork to fill out, no second walk through and no big sit down talk. They even granted my request for 2 weeks to give DG time to make adjustments and for me to leave on good terms. I was at DG a complete month and a day before starting at Tranor as a machine apprentice.

In between transition of jobs Christina was hesitant to jump on board with my job change so early. I too had some reservations but something inside me overpowered all of my doubts. I KNEW this was the right choice! I do not make decisions without my wife and her opinion(s) on things so as always I checked with her. She thought I might be leaving an opportunity on the table with DG. At this stage I was feeling GOD had opened that door AGAIN and only FAITH would pull me through. I honestly did not know what I was headed into, but truly it was the right call! For the 1st time since the Army and my ascension at GameStop I had direction and a real path in my profession. I rarely if ever tap into my aggression but GOD tapped me to use it and make a call and not wait to see how things fall.

Looking back the experience was surreal retail ending for the chance at a job with a future and potential. It is easy and has not been easy. I REALLY SUCK at the job, but they are paying for me to go back to school to become a tool and die maker, they are  patient with me and we work A LOT! I have not destroyed any parts or made any MAJOR mistakes, but I am VERY slow at everything right now and getting use to all the rules for what we do. In a way I could not ask for a better place. I am made humble everyday and reminded of how much I do not know but have to work to learn. Recently I had my schedule switched over to second shift and am on 12 hour shifts 1600 to 0430 or for non Zulu time folks 4:00pm to 4:30am. So that is where we are on the job front.

MY FAMILY (the ones I was born to)

Well what can be said? It hurts more tan word can express in reference to the happenings of my father, siblings, grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. Have you ever been lifted to a really high point in your life by people who show you how GREAT things could be, it cannot be taught per se, but felt and as you feel your way through the experience due to the different people in your life you try to recreate the same kind of lifestyle or standard? This is what was for me. In recent years though it is like the emotional base taken right from under me. Since the passing of my mother in 2006 I knew things would go south I just did not know how far. My mother was one of the pillars of my family and none have tried to step up to fill the gap. I think in part it was because we did not know enough to do so instead of us working together to heal the wound everyone just kind of went their own selfish way. I am not arrogant enough to believe I did any different either. To me it seemed the writing was on the wall and that the only way to reclaim the blessing of my Mom’s love was to put it into practice the best way I could and strike out and plant my family tree due to this one dying. It still hurts…so bad. I never was able to hand my Mom one of her grandchildren from me and I always wished her and Christina had the opportunity to really connect and talk. In some defense of my family tree it is not dead yet but it is VERY sick and all will be lost without a collective effort. I guess I want to take all the good I can from that tree and not let that part die with what I know and groom it with a new group of seeds. And with that said with my Mom and Dad being the groundwork let’s get to specifics;

My Dad as awesome as he is, moved on after my Mom passed on. Slowly at first, as more death happened in the family; the house in shambles and not fit to live in, the relationships between us, the connection to the children, and our overall family bond. I guess even though I lost my Mom and it HURT, I did not lose half of myself. How does one bounce back from that? Christina and I have been together coming up on 7 years, 6 married and I could not imagine life without her. Now the Old man is getting remarried to a very nice and ambitious woman named Earnestine. I have nothing against my Dad moving on, he deserves it, but his children are still here. There is still an obligation and we still need him even if not in the way we used to. Earnestine I only know because she is part of my Dad’s life no other reason. She will be the woman my Dad has chosen to marry after my Mom, never will she be my Mom. She is not apart of my life for any other reason other than my Dad and the relationship will be between them not all of us. True enough she will be apart of the picture but to me only as my Dad’s wife nothing more. If we have a relationship beyond that nice but I will not hold my breath.

As far as their wedding my Dad has yet to talk to me himself about it, which makes me believe that either he does not want to or does not care to. I have called him about it 3 times to no avail. Until Earnestine called me yesterday I was ready to say “oh well…” to the wedding thing. I will try to keep posting of this up to date as I get more info.

My Grandmother Mosley, well she is back in the hospital after being found on her floor after 8 or 9 days. Currently she is at the physical rehab center to get back on her feet. I can only imagine how this will turn out. Will attempt to keep updates available.

The siblings, Erika, George, Torri, Mishon all have their own stories. Most of it I know nothing of because we either do not take about what is actually important or they talk about nothing I consider important. Priorities matter to me. I am not saying I am better just committed to family and doing my part to give a positive GOD centered lifestyle for my children. This causes a conflict due to there are things that are prioritized differently for Christina and I. I care about my WHOLE family, but I have influence over few. It matters what I do and say with my wife and children all the time so this area is my 1st priority. Erika recently had foot surgery and is recovering, Torri is Torri and her life has always been a puzzle to me. George is a survivor no matter what and his life has always been a roller coaster. I could write an entire post on Mishon all by herself and maybe I will. For now this is what I will say for now about them.

Our Household

Christina, the children and I are doing well. Dorian Jr./Deuce continues to impress, develop, challenge and ask. His growth across the board is encouraging and makes me beam with pride. Bradley is a charming little chatterbox in the form of a boy tank! The dude is all but unstoppable at times and still a sensitive little lady-killer. I am afraid he is becoming aware of it. Talia is a demanding little sweetheart. She KNOWS what she wants and displays a level of comprehension that seems pretty advanced for her age, but I may just be biased. Christina continues to save the world one task at a time. A schedule for us is imperative to our health and sanity, we are still working on that. On a whole the household we continue to evolve and learn as challenges come we are delivered through them.

Me

Right now focus and consistency are my watch words. I really am in search of a strong men’s fellowship group. GOD has not left us but I need to find out how to go further in my faith. Heritage church is another topic to speak on and there are many layers to it so again I will refrain from writing about this now and save it for later.

In just 9 days I will be 34 years old. Hard to believe. Christina mentioned a FANTASTIC idea and I believe I will subscribe to it. The New Year thing if you think about it is a society driven thing, but when you think about it a new year starts on one’s birthday. With my new year coming up fast I hope and pray I keep up all of my obligations as well as excel in new areas to better round out my faith, life and self.

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By deejaydee79 Posted in Life

Breaking point…. part 2

So right now I just want to dominate someone in the most disrespectful manner possible. A fist fight or bar brawl that you cannot remember until you read the police report and say; “Really?! That actually happened…”. My anger and frustration is not for anyone in particular outwardly, I guess it is just our place and how ridiculous stuff just keeps happening. I know that most of the blame lies with me. Often I believe that decisions I’ve made had been calculated, evenly thought out and that somehow my family and I WILL benefit even if not right away. Things just keep falling through.

As of today we have one major prospect, Dollar General. Mind you I have met with these folks three times now and will at least get an answer hopefully tomorrow. If that is a no go, I guess we will head west. I am tired, Christina is tired and family stability is in jeopardy. Christina, Deuce, Brad and Talia deserve to have a stable lifestyle. I know I had one.

We have contacted our church (Heritage) and requested any help they can offer. Christina’s mom has helped us the last couple of months, but this month she has been, let’s say reluctant. Now I do not feel entitled to her money and I always have said to her I am aware she too has a family and household to take care of. I do not want to sound ungrateful but I do not like feeling strung along. I am a straight shooter and a simple I cannot help is better than I will let you know, simply for the sake of not letting someone down or not to hurt anyones feelings. This behavior is typical of Christina’s mother however. When she can say “yes” there is never a delay but “no” seems to be a problem for her. I would never think ill of her for being completely honest with us. If there is a definitive answer we can just move on, being held in limbo really blows. At least though from her side of the family there IS some effort to help. My father is of the belief I owe him some money, Erika cannot help financially, my Grandmother says she is out of money as well as my Uncle, her son says not to help any of the grandchildren anymore. Jajuan my cousin has helped some when he could, Mario my best friend has helped some, and the rest of the family is not even worth mentioning. It hurts to think sometime that I could almost write my family off and it probably would not even matter to them.

Tomorrow is our day in court. I am not looking forward to it. We still do not know what her mother will bring us, if she does bring anything. We will start selling stuff hardcore tomorrow to make up the difference.

Even if we make up all the total we owe what about work? Brent from Macomb community college called me with a couple of job leads based on the classes I recently had taken. Until I receive an offer it does not matter. I am not being pessimistic just tired of speculating. There is a lot more to this but it will have to wait until tomorrow as we face the court and move forward anyway, so until then. Goodnight.

Breaking point….part 1

If someone had told me 7 years ago that at the point where my life should be at its best that it would actually be its most challenging, I would have laughed in their face. Let me review; Hi I am Dorian a guy that has TONS of good intentions, a good heart, even disposition, an awesome wife that completes me in soooo many ways, 3 incredible little blessings from GOD and everything to be looking forward to in life. Since 2008 professionally things have been a constant uphill battle. I have gone so many routes that I do not know anymore what to even look for. I feel lost. I pray, I search, I inquire, I try, I interview, I schooled, I traveled, I pray again, I am patient and ultimately I FAIL. WHY!? Have my family and I not endured enough? Is it just me? I mean I am the only common denominator. Let us look back. Before I was blessed with Christina I was NEVER out of work, we just enjoyed our 5 year anniversary and I have had 4 jobs in that time frame.

Sometime I feel as though we ALWAYS have our hand out. Looking to get help from someone, granted we ALL should help one another, when always being on the receiving end it does get old. I feel worthless at times. I know I should not but, I am human. Christina, my GOD what can I say, she does so much and still does more. She is a ROCK. We ALL get tired and I am tired of being tired. What is next? It always seems like we recover just in time for something WORSE to happen. I know that GOD will not put more on us than we can handle and we always have HOPE, but we ARE tired. I do not want a break, I want stability, a path of clarity, something where we can look back and know that this time in our lives of THIS kind of challenge is OVER!

How much of this is our fault or better put MY fault? I BELIEVE in GOD’s promises but I think I am beginning to realize that I am the problem. Let me explain. This is not a pity party. As a man there are certain things that are part of our identity. Working, providing and protecting are very significant. My working record as a husband has been shaky at best. I know there are more important things but when one thing starts going south what else suffers as a result. I sometimes wonder if this is just a test GOD has placed before me that I keep failing. What else could it be? I am a capable guy, I learn things quickly enough. Am I lying to myself? Am I not as committed or focused as I say? Am I lazy? Should I get off my own couch and stop analyzing or over analyzing? What is happening to me?!

I DO NOT CARE about the WORLD, but I am still apart of it. Somethings I have no choice but to be subjected to it. These things conflict me, challenge me, anger me, confuse me. Logically I would rather figure out why do they affect me in such a manner and often get stuck to the point of not remembering what I was trying to figure out. Funny how stuff like that always comes back and starts the VICIOUS cycle all over again.

I feel a little better but this is just the beginning of this breaking point. I guess most of this is just a microcosm of the larger issue with me. I need to speak more about the jobs themselves, so I will dive into it tomorrow. Thanks for the ear….

It may look bad, but we still have GOD, hope and love to share

I have no clue as to what is next. This new year has started off different from last year but not as much as I would like. After returning from surgery and not working for 2 months, we have the almost always consistent money challenge. Everything is due or PAST due. I am hopeful and confident in GOD and his promises. I know that means things will not always be comfy. I really do not want to be evicted from our home, have our van repossessed, or have our lights and heat shut off but there is little to nothing I can do but pray and see how the LORD has things play out. I have asked for help with all the people I could as has Christina. Some of our people to call have given all they can some have yet to get back to us. This week I will call on the veteran affairs group and pray it is not too late. Returning to work helps but we need something to happen like yesterday. Well enough of that all is not lost nor bleak, I mean after all they (our bills, the businesses we owe, the world) cannot eat us.

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Beginnings and resolutions for 2012

Christina and I on our 1st adult date

Truly a marvelous beginning, this was our 1st movie and dinner date. We saw “Departed” and ate dinner at Red Coat tavern, it was not our original choice but it was still quite good or maybe it was just my company. I love you baby!

This is to me a microcosm of the beginning of my life. My 1st date with my wife. So simple, wonderful, beautiful and fun. Our romance has been here playfully since we became more focused on each other. This moment is near and dear to my heart one of my favorite of Christina and I. I feel so strongly about it that it is where I want to start this all off. This picture was taken in 2006 we have just crossed over into 2012. What was important then is still just as important now and some foundations can never have enough bricks. This is what I WILL focus on going into 2012 and the beginnings that spawned this list of resolutions.

~To stay prayerful and study GOD’s word more and actively seek his plan for my life

I would be lying if I said there was no order to this list. GOD is the beginning of EVERYTHING, how could I not look to him for the proper instructions to secure all he has blessed me with?! I guess the better question is how have I not worked harder at it yet. GOD has carried Christina and I through two of the most challenging years of our lives any doubts I had about being prayerful and faith filled got smashed in 2010-2011. Even now there is still challenges looming, but all that GOD has made a way for makes this seem less significant. Study of the word of GOD was a big part of last year for me. I read more of the bible than I ever have and more important I retained the information as well as understood it. I was speaking of my faith with others praying and helped many with scripture. It was an amazing feeling! I say why not be that way all the time? It will take work but what work is more important than this? The LORD will be my primary focus this year. All other pieces will fall in place if I seek his will and purpose for my life.

~To spend more quality time with Christina

Ah, the joy of children. Nothing is more challenging, draining, or just plain disruptive as children. Do not get me wrong, I would not give them up for anything in the world! Let’s be honest for a minute though without kids Christina and I would have a life of dichotomy, tons of fun and tons of boredom. Our kids are omnipresent in everything we do and every decision we make from Mommy & Daddy time to what to watch on TV. We are always working on ways to stimulate, teach, guide, and encourage from a place of love. It is not easy but we did not expect it to be after all this is REALLY worth it. In the meantime it has made it tougher for us to have “kid free” quality time. We have options on where they can go they are just limited and difficult to get to. We would just as soon keep our little ones with us. Save for the relationship with GOD a man is supposed to focus on his wife the most. Christina and I do not have a bad time together at all, I just wish we had more of it. It will take a collective effort to make this happen in the year to come.

~To reach out more to my family

Of all my resolutions this IS the MOST challenging. I will try to keep this short. My Mother and Father started something GREAT when they began their family. They were a great compliment to one another and really inspired me through their parenting and balance. My Mother passed away in 2006 and even though all of their children are grown we still need our Mother as does my Father. Our family suffered greatly from this, so much so that it became more challenging for me to even be around them. I KNOW we ALL were taught the same things, yet my siblings at times and in different ways seem to miss the big picture of things. I am not perfect and I to make mistakes but somethings to me are not worth being short-sighted and or selfish. Still these people are my family, “what can I do to help” is what I ask the LORD and myself. Scripture says that when a man finds his wife he and she will go and start their own family (paraphrase of Gen 2:24) but also it is written to “help a neighbor in need” as well as “love thy neighbor as thyself”. Well these apply. If it is the LORD’s word it CANNOT be wrong. I try to take it on a case by case basis. Staying positive, not being judgemental and remembering above all to come from a place of love. W.W.J.D.; WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? To change my reactions to my family I will look to GOD to correct my heart, mind and feelings towards the situations with each. I have already saw improvement. I pray the LORD sees fit for it to get even greater.

~To get back in school

Never thought I would be throwing this one up here. Lately it seems that I have some unfinished business with books, grades, teachers and the like. Besides to be more ready it is time to learn some new things and to be more marketable. A degree can open some new doors and allow us a few more advantages we now do not have. I guess the hunger for knowledge is back after 15 years! WOW!

~To stay focused and consistent

These two are just to bolster my life in general. The important things need these two not everything. Everyday I will pray for my LORD to grant me these things in areas that are important according to HIS word and HIS plan for us. I do not expect this year to be easy, I just want it to be what GOD has planned for me!

In a nutshell there you have it. The beginning and foundation are solid now to stay at it and to do battle on my knees with the awesome power of GOD backing me. Who or what can stand against that?! I welcome thee 2012 and with GOD’s blessing I look to move forward in life with HIS favor. I AM claiming my victory now in the name of JESUS! Amen.

Goodnight all and may GOD bless you and yours.

The begining of a new form of expression

I have always enjoyed writing and sharing ideas with others. I guess the blogosphere has always been a place I could enjoy. Word press has something nice going here and I hope to use it to convey some thoughts and chronicle my day to day experiences. Since this is just the intro for me I guess I’ll ring in the New Year with a resolution post and what I look forward to for 2012. This is not the end I just have a lot to say and after all it’s not easy being the nicest guy in the game, read how I do it cause I am just getting started.

Old-School Punishment

This is Deuce, sitting cross-legged in front of a closed door.  I put him into time out because I caught him stuffing pieces of foam (from the whomp ’em sticks) into the central air vent in the toy room’s floor.  He knows that’s a NO-NO.  I was shocked that he would blatantly do that, even though he knew it was wrong.  Lately Deuce has been trying more and more mischievous things, but I assumed it was because he was suffering from cabin fever; after all, we all had been sick for over a week.

I had no idea how to discipline him.  So, I had him sit there to “think about his actions” while I waited for Dorian to come home from work.  I felt like this kind of deviant behavior required attention from both parental units.

It was so quiet in the house for those six or seven minutes while we waited for Dorian; I swear I could hear Deuce’s heart beating out of his chest.  Boy was he freaking out.  I had never called a meeting between the parental units to discuss disciplinary measures before.  Clearly this was a bad situation.

After Dorian arrived home and we talked about what happened, we called Deuce into the room with us.  We let him decide his discipline, between not watching TV for the rest of the day and not being able to play with toys for the rest of the day.  He chose to go TV-less (SHOCKER).

As Deuce evolves, Dorian and I are constantly under pressure to always be one step ahead of him.  Where a swat across the buns for rotten behavior may have worked during the “terrible twos” (and threes), the new-and-improved four-year-old Deuce is a lean, mean, cunning, thinking, intelligent mischief-making machine.  I had to channel the wisdom of my ancestral matriarchs to come up with this old-school tactic, which I think worked well.  Five days have passed since “VentGate” and I have yet to see Deuce go near a vent.

Do you have an unusual or unorthodox method of discipline that always yields results?  Leave a comment below!

I Am So Conflicted Right Now.

Deuce is in the toy room crying. He’s making himself cry. It sounds like he’s crying about the car mat on the floor being out of place or something. I know he’s making himself cry because as I went to check on Talia, I caught a glimpse of him in the toy room doorway, sitting cross-legged and peeping around the corner to see if anyone was coming up the hallway. Plus, when Deuce truly cries, he’s a blubbering, sobbing, snot-nosed mess. This time, he was whining a narrative of why he was whining. What a divo.

Anyhoo, my conflict is this: Part of me wants to go and try to guide him into choosing to tell me what’s bothering him so we can fix the problem. The other part of me wants to go and wring his neck (ala Bart-and-Homer-Simpson style) because I believe that for him to choose to display that type of behavior he must have thought about his actions, which means that he is cognitive enough to know that his behavior is unsatisfactory. If he knows what’s bothering him and he can express it, why not come tell me so we can fix it? Instead, he chooses to MAKE HIMSELF CRY about it AND has the forethought to position himself in such a way as to make sure he’s loud enough for me to hear him and he can keep a look out? Really? That’s infuriating.

Why waste all that energy trying to do the wrong thing? It takes more energy to do wrong than to do right. Instead of sitting there crying about it, why not just come tell me the darn mat is out of place and you need help fixing it? We could have fixed it by now and he’d be just as happy and content as he wants to be, playing with cars on the flat, perfectly placed car mat.

Parents, do you feel my pain?  Someone give me some insight on the 4-year-old’s persona.  Please.  Before I go crazy…

So Far, So Good…

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen diaper rash.

A loooooong time.

I felt sorry for our little Strawberry Princess after I saw her bright red bottom.  Diaper rash, after all, never gets any easier to look at.  It just plain looks uncomfortable every time you see it.  Poor baby.

Adding a newborn into our mix has proven to be less complicated than I anticipated.  Now, I’m not saying that to imply that it has been easy; that is far from the truth.  Rather, I’m impressed at how quickly I’ve adapted to waltzing between two little boys who love to play at my feet, with a baby strapped to my chest.  Or how efficient I am at completing tasks with only one free hand.

One thing I am NOT impressed with, however, is my lack of sleep.  Man.  I forgot how sleepless a night with a newborn can be.  Or should I say, I was spoiled by the boys?  Neither one of them was as demanding as Talia is right now.  Can you say, “blindsided”?  :-/

Someone once told me that boys are easier to raise early on, but girls are easier to raise in later years…Well if these past three weeks are any indication of what’s to come, I’ll have to attest to that.

So you readers out there with older kids – Is it true that boys are easier to raise in the beginning, but girls end up being easier to raise toward the end?  Leave your comments below!

I…Am A Tupperware Keeper.

I have a confession to make:

I, Christina Davis, am a Tupperware keeper.  I keep Tupperware.  People bring over Tupperware, I keep it.  I wash it out and reuse it again.  And again if I can.

I bring this up because recently I acquired two large Tupperware bowls (similar to these) from someone from church who was kind enough to prepare dinner for us one evening after Talia and I came home from the hospital.  When I looked at what they brought over and heard those magic words (you know the ones – “Don’t worry about returning the Tupperware”) I immediately thought “Cool!  I just got two Tupperware bowls!  WITH LIDS!!”

lame.  I know.

But surely I can’t be the only one who does this.  So to you readers who are also Tupperware keepers (and willing to admit it), I ask this:  What are your rules for keeping Tupperware?  How long do you keep it?  Do you use it until it disintegrates (like magic!) before your eyes in the microwave?  Or until you burn that tomato sauce-red ring into the sides (because we’ve all done that once or twice too, right?)?  Or are you such a Tupperware-keeping Zen Master that you’ve amassed an odd collection of mismatched pieces over the years and can’t remember the last time you bought Tupperware?  Leave a comment below!